I've been thinking for a while about writing this post, and then I keep not doing it, because I'm not sure how to write it, or if it'll get too long, and how will I have the time to write a long post anyway?
So here goes. As some of you know, I had surgery about two weeks ago on my "bad leg"--the leg that caused me so much trouble during Jemima and Matthias's pregnancies.
I'd originally hoped to have some sort of procedure done, while I still pregnant with Matthias. I'd seen the doctor when I was maybe 6 months along, we'd discussed different options for surgery, and then she'd said there was nothing she could do until Matthias was born. In fact, she suggested that I waited to call her until Matthias was 3 months old...and THEN, she'd see what she could do to help.
As soon as she spoke those words, I started getting afraid. There was nothing she could do while I was pregnant. But I couldn't even schedule an appointment with her again until I'd been not pregnant for 3 months. This worried me for several reasons. First, I became pregnant with Jemima when Rachel was 4 1/2 months old, and I knew there was a possibility that I could conceive that quickly again this time around. I also knew that there'd been *some* pain while I was pregnant with Jemima, but the pain was much worse (and had started much earlier in my pregnancy) when I was pregnant with Matthias. This led me to believe that any pain during my fourth pregnancy would be even worse than with #3, and that scared me. A lot.
At the same time, Matt and I--since the start of our marriage--have been very opposed to using birth control, for Biblical reasons. I have studied the birth control issue for years, from both a historical and Biblical perspective, and wanted to avoid contraception if at all possible. When I met Matt, he was already of the same conviction.
But, let me tell you, I know I definitely was re-considering my views on the subject, when I thought there was a possibility that I could be pregnant again, before any procedure might be done.
Well, I gave birth to Matthias, and all the pain in my leg instantly disappeared. Because that's just happens with me...the pain is only present during pregnancy. So, a pain-free Tricia waited and waited--until Matthias was 2 1/2 months old. And then I called, because I was sure the doctor wouldn't be able to schedule an appointment to see me right away.
As it turns out, the doctor wasn't available to see me until Matthias was around 4 months old, and then the surgery wasn't scheduled until Matthias was 4 1/2 months old.
On the morning of the surgery, one of the first things the nurse did, was to draw some blood for a pregnancy test. So I lay there, on the hospital bed, waiting for the results. Several nurses had already asked me if Matt and I had been having "unprotected" sex, and each time, I'd said "yes," and wondered why the word protection is used so often in this context. After all, who's the enemy, right?
Well, finally, the nurse walked over for one brief second, and said, "Pregnancy test came back negative," in a tone of voice like, "This was completely expected." No news to her. Of course the pregnancy test should be negative, because I was about to enter surgery--surgery that I couldn't have if I were pregnant.
Even up to that moment, I hadn't known, though. I mean, my period hadn't come back yet, so it wasn't likely that I would've been pregnant. But, of course, there was always a chance, considering that we hadn't been using any form of contraception.
But, the test was negative. So I went into surgery, and came out of it--hopefully with successful results. (I won't actually know if the surgery was successful until I get pregnant again.)
I have no idea when my period will start, or when (or if) I will ever get pregnant again. But all of this experience definitely gave me an added sense of conviction that God does know what's happening with HIs people on earth. He could've opened my womb several months ago, but He didn't. The nurse could've said that pregnancy test was positive, and I could've walked out of the hospital, wondering what in the world my fourth pregnancy would be like.
But none of that happened. Today, Matthias is 5 months old, and the surgery is behind me.